Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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