One girl and one boy is just not enough.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
