I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
