i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
