Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
