I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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