what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
