Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
