The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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