Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
