Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
FUCK WHALES
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
