well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
