Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
