$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
