Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
