Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize