Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My liver is preforming stress tests.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
