Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you would pick up someone in the library
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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