i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
