As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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