you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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