Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
