Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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