My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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