I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I love you. Go after that dick
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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