Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
