im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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