i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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