How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you win again, gameday.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
