you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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