did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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