I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize