Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
