my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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