Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
