Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
