I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
