I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
