once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize