she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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