so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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