well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
