dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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