"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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