He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
