Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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