went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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