am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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