I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
