just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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