Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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