just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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