i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
