As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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