office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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