oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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