No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Panties = found
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
