She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
