okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
