I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
