Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
