I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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