Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
