i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
