he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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