He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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